Personal Effects

20 May 2013 14 Comments

by Patricia Tilton in E.M. Kokie, Loss, Military Families, War Tags: , , ,

Personal Effects9780763655273_p0_v1_s260x420Personal Effects

E. M. Kokie

Candlewick Press, Fiction,  Sept. 12, 2012

Suitable for Ages: 14-17

Themes:  War, Deployments, Dealing with Loss, Grief, Redemption

Synopsis:  Matt Foster is drowning in grief after his older brother, T.J., is killed in Iraq.   Matt has a rocky relationship with his father who is stoic and doesn’t know how to deal with his own feelings about T.J.’s death, let alone help Matt with his loss.  Matt has  a minefield of problems like failing classes,  getting into serious fights with kids, and expulsion from school.  When T.J.’s personal items are delivered by the military, his father stashes them away, daring Matt to go near them.   Shauna, his best friend, is the only person Matt confides in.  He fears his bully father, but knows that the only way he can understand what has happened to T.J. is by opening the sealed trunks without getting caught.  Matt finds stacks of letters T.J. has written to Celia Carson and photos.  At the very bottom is a letter sealed in an envelope to “Celia” that T.J. never got to send.  After reading each letter over and over, Matt decides he must travel from Pennsylvania to Wisconsin to deliver the letter and photos to Celia.   Together with Shauna, they plot his trip, calculate the cost, find where Celia lives and her place of employment, and find a cheap place for Matt to stay.  Shauna loans Matt her car.  In searching for answers about his brother in Wisconsin, Matt discovers he doesn’t know T.J. at all.

Why I like this book:  E. M. Kokie has written a courageous and beautiful debut novel that is complicated and compelling.  She delves deeply into the anger, pain, and grief of a 17-year-old trying to make sense of his brother’s death.  Matt wants to know the truth so he can find closure.  It leads him on a journey where he uncovers shocking truths about his brother he never imagined.  What Matt learns challenges him to honor T.J.’s memory, stand up to his volatile father, and take charge of his own life.  In many ways it is also a coming of age book that includes his relationship with Shauna.  There is no tidy ending and this book is as real as it gets.  You won’t easily forget Matt.  It is definitely a book for kids in high school and young adults.   Visit E.M. Kokie at her website and learn more about this author who writes “about teens on the cusp of life-changing moments, exploring issues of identity and self-determination.”

SPOILER ALERT:  Thought it important to include a quote from the author E.M. Kokie: “I think it is important to note that many LGBTQ service members  who served under the “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell,” policy, including over 13,000 military personnel who were discharged.” Matt’s story about how his brother lived a secret life is not uncommon.  Yet, T.J.  was deployed three times, served honorably and was killed in an explosion.  Make sure you read the author’s note at the end of the book.

Sun Kisses, Moon Hugs

07 Dec 2012 37 Comments

by Patricia Tilton in Grief, Susan Schaefer Bernardo Tags: , , , ,

Sun Kisses, Moon Hugspdf_coverLRSun Kisses, Moon Hugs

Susan Bernardo, Author

Courtenay Fletcher, Illustrator

Inner Flower Child Books, Fiction, Nov. 15, 2012

Suitable for:  Ages 4 and up

Themes:  Separation, Anxiety, Grief, Divorce, Inspirational, Reassurance

Opening/Synopsis:  “No matter how far apart we are, I’ll always find ways to tell you I love you./ How?/ From wherever we stand, you see the moon and I see the moon.  That is how we can send each other hugs./ Moon hugs?/  Yes, moon hugs.”  This story is told through the seasons and delivers a very powerful message to children — love is eternal.   

Why I like this book:  Sun Kisses, Moon Hugs is pure poetry and a visual feast for the eyes.   Written and illustrated by two friends,  Susan and Courtenay have taken a sad subject about separation and created a beautiful consoling book for children.  It is written in dialogue, but is very lyrical and inspirational.  It is the perfect book to use with children when they are dealing with separation from a parent because of deployment or job, loss, illness, divorce,  and tragedy.   The dialogue in the book gives kids the vocabulary to feel connected and to feel the presence of a loved one — and it’s all done through signs of nature. The illustrations are big, vibrant and breathtaking, and include children from all cultures.  The book is simply beautiful!

Sun KissesIllust_2lr

Favorite rhymes:

“But the moon doesn’t have any arms!/It’s true the moon cannot reach down to hold your hand, but she is strong enough to pull waves onto sand./Her invisible arms rock the tides by night and day, like my love holds you safely when I am away.”

“But when I wake up, the moon will be gone!/ Ahh, but then we can send each other kisses by dawn.  When you open your eyes and see the sun rise, just do this…blow a kiss.”

“From the heavens above to earth below, there are infinite ways to say hello.  Love is in each star twinkling in space and every frosty snowflake tickling your face.”

Resources:  The book alone is a beautiful resource.   Children will be wide-eyed with questions as you snuggle with them to read Sun Kisses, Moon Hugs.   You may visit the author’s website for more information.

Every Friday, authors and KidLit bloggers post a favorite picture book.  To see a complete listing of all the Perfect Picture Books with resources, please visit author Susanna Leonard Hill’s Perfect Picture Books.

This book has been provided to me free of charge by the author/publisher in exchange for an honest review of the work. 

The Next Place – Grief

25 May 2012 40 Comments

by Patricia Tilton in Grief, Inspirational, Perfect Picture Books Tags: , , ,

The Next Place

Warren Hanson, Author and Illustrator

Waldman House Press, Fiction, 1997

Suitable for:  Ages 5 and Up

Theme:  Grief and Bereavement, Celebration of Life

Opening and Synopsis:  “The next place I go will be as peaceful and familiar as a sleepy summer Sunday and a sweet, untroubled mind.  And yet…it won’t be anything like any place I’ve ever been…or seen… or even dreamed of in the place I leave behind.  I won’t know where I’m going, and I won’t know where I’ve been as I tumble through the always and look back toward the when.”   This is a beautiful picture book for children and adults about letting go to a place where  light and love will shine forever.  After 9/11,  a grassroots effort formed called “The Next Place Network, and this book was given to surviving families.

Says Warren Hanson about his book:  ““The Next Place is a peaceful, comforting, quiet and hopeful book for times when we face the loss of someone we love. Or for when we face the reality of our own certain death. It is very deliberately not a traditionally religious look at death and the hereafter. We live in a world of many beliefs and backgrounds. I did not want the book to leave anyone out of its message of comfort. So I created the words and the illustrations in such a way that I hoped the reader would bring his or her own faith to it. Since the book came out, it has been embraced by people of many different religions and beliefs.”

Why I like this book:  Warren Hanson’s book is a celebration of life and portrays an afterlife in a non-religious, beautiful and soft  way.  It is an inspirational and poetic journey about death.    The illustrations are gorgeous.   This is a book I would give to a family that is dealing with the loss of a loved one.  It is an uplifting  book to read and discuss with children when they have lost a member of a family through war, an illness, an accident.  It would also be helpful to share if you have a family will soon making a transition.  This book brings hope and puts a smile on your face.  Kids will be so much more open to talking and asking questions.

Activities:  Have children plant a special tree in memory of a loved one.  Have them draw or  write about special memories so they won’t forget.   Make a memory box where you can put something special that belonged to a loved one inside.  You may want to add photos, cards/letters written to the child by the loved one.   That way kids can touch, read, and look at the items, and keep their memories alive.

Books to Help Your Child with Grief

23 May 2012 16 Comments

by Patricia Tilton in Children's Book Review, Grief Tags: ,

When a child faces the death of a loved one, especially a parent or family member, the support system is disrupted.  It is essential that families find new ways to communicate, express their feelings of grief and honestly answer questions a child may have.  Some children are verbal, others hold their feelings in.  One way to help address a child’s loss is through story books.  The key is in helping a child realize that he/she is not alone.  I will share a few favorites with you.

I Miss You:  A First Look at Death, by Pat Thomas, and published by Barron’s Educational Series, 2001.  This book helps children (and adults, too) deal with the loss of loved ones.   The author gently explains the life cycles. “Death is a natural part of life. All living things grow, change and eventually die.”  The child will view a dying tree, and a fallen bird. When the book reaches human loss, there’s a question at the bottom of the page where the author gives the child the opportunity to discuss his/her own loss by asking, “What about you? Has anyone you know died? How did they die?” Likening one’s soul to a raindrop that joins other raindrops in the ocean is beautiful.   At the end of the book is a section on how to use the book, a short glossary and  resources for grief support.

Saying Goodbye to Daddy, by Judith Vigna, and published by Albert Whitman & Co., 1991.    This is a good book to use when there has been a sudden death.  When Clara is picked up early from school by her grandfather, she doesn’t understand that something terrible has happened to her father.  Clara learns about her father’s death and what happens afterwards.  Grief, loneliness, anger and confusion follow.  Her family helps her work through her feelings and fears.  Due to family support, Clara reaches a place of peace by the end of the book.

Rain Came Down,  by David Shannon, and published by Blue Sky Press, 2000.   Many times things unexpected happen that we don’t like, and it can impact everything and everybody.  In the story, one Saturday the rain comes down and it sets off a chain reaction that causes the entire block to honk, yell, bicker, and bark.   This book can help explain how our moods can get messy when something unexpected happens.  Then the rain stops and the sun shines once again.  I like this book because you can use it to ask a grieving child about the unexpected events in their lives that upset them and impact their mood?   What feels messy and out of control in their life?  What would make it better.

Tragedy and Support Programs for Military Families

21 May 2012 20 Comments

by Patricia Tilton in Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors, Military Families United Tags: , , , , ,

With Memorial Day approaching, I will focus on programs for Military Families and their children who have dealt with the greatest sacrifice of all, the loss of a loved one to war, whether it be in combat or through suicide brought on by Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome (PTSD).  Nearly all the families are trauma survivors, the true heroes.  They are the spouses, parents, children, siblings, grandparents, aunts and uncles.  They have suffered an enormous tragedy and grief and have to find a way to put their lives back together.  The following programs Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors (TAPS) and Military Families United (MFU)  are there to aid families round the clock.

Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors (TAPS):  TAPS was founded in 1994 to offer immediate and long-term emotional support,  comfort, help and healing to anyone grieving the death of a loved one in military service from combat, suicide, terrorism homicide, negligence, accidents, and illness.   TAPS is available 24 hours a day, seven days a week with a national toll-free crisis, help and information line (1-800-959-8277).   TAPS immediately mails a Survivor Care Package to each family.  They offer peer-based emotional support, peer mentorship programs, parenting support, suicide support, resources, publications, a magazine, and videos.  View the TAPS website, to find out about all the wonderful programs.  TAPS has assisted over 35,000 surviving family members, casualty officers and caregivers.

On Memorial Day Weekend, May 25-28, TAPS holds its National Military survivor Seminar & Good Grief Camp for Young Survivors in Washington, D.C.  This will be the 18th annual conference and hundreds of families will be attending.  Parents and children attend their own programs.  Leading professionals in the grief and trauma field join together with survivors nationwide to share a weekend of hope, love, understanding, and courage.  The weekend is packed with workshops, fun, and entertainment.   It will be a time when loved ones will be honored and remembered.  Last year our son and his family attended.  Our grandson felt accepted and had a great time.  Attending the annual program and the good grief camps for kids throughout the year, means becoming a member of a larger family who can help you move forward with your grief and your lives.

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Military Families United (MFU):  Is another support organization that “Honors the Fallen, Supports Those Who Fight, and Serves Their Families.”  They provide priceless support to families in crisis.  Founded in 2005, they are a national coalition of Gold Star and Blue Star families, veterans, and patriotic Americans who share a deep appreciation for our men and women in uniform and support them in their mission.   They ensure respect at military funerals.   They want to remind the nation of the importance of supporting our men and women in uniform, through services and charitable programs that offer families direct support, and educational opportunities for spouses.  View the MFU website.

MFU sponsors a very special Camp Desert Kids program for children who have parents deployed.  According to MFU, there are more than one million military kids, most of whom will be affected by deployment during their childhood.  Separation from a parent for any reason is tough.  But, for military children it is even more challenging because they don’t always understand the separation from their parent.  They have difficulty visualizing where their dad or mom has gone and what they are doing.  Camp Desert Kids gives children the opportunity to experience deployment just like their parent.   They have created a fun and educational program that uses games, maps, fun facts, cultural activities, crafts, regional food and drink, and even the opportunity to dress up like Mom or Dad in full camouflage gear.  In the camp, the child travels through deployment stations, just like their deployed parent does.  They receive a passport, go through a deployment line, learn interesting facts about the geography, language and customs of Afghanistan, where their parent is serving.  Cultural experts and military volunteers provide many hands-on experiences with local food, currency, native clothing, and military equipment.  They eat meals in a  mess hall.  And, as they out-process, they are given a t-shirt as a reminder of their experience  and materials to take home.  A great camp to help reduce a military child’s stress and anxiety.

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Suggested Reading for Grieving Adults:

Surviving the Folded Flag:  Parents of War Share Stories of Coping, Courage and Faith, by Deborah H. Tainsh

Missing Max:  Finding Hope After My Marine Son’s Death, by Julie Schrock

A Grief Like No Other: Surviving the Violent Death of Someone You Love, by Kathleen O’Hara, MA

I Wasn’t Ready to Say Goodbye:  Surviving, Coping and Healing After the Sudden Death of a Loved One, by Brook Noel and Pamela D. Blair, PhD.

Perfect Picture Books – The Day Tiger Rose Said Goodbye

18 Nov 2011 22 Comments

by Patricia Tilton in Children's Book Review, Grief, Jane Yolen, Pet Loss Tags: ,

The Day Tiger Rose Said Goodbye

Jane Yolen, author and Jim LaMarche, illustrator

Random House,  2011, Fiction

Suitable for: Preschool and Elementary (ages 4 and up)

Theme: Pet Loss, Grief

Synopsis: “The day Tiger Rose said goodbye was a soft spring day, the sun only half risen.  Little brilliant butterflies, like bits of colored paper, floated among the flowers.” Tiger Rose is a gray striped tabby cat who is growing old and knows the end of her life is nearing.  She heads off to say goodbye to the family she loves, Rolf the dog she fights with, and her nature friends.  She finds her favorite napping place near a rose-bush and quietly makes her transition.

Why I like this book:  Jane Yolen’s story is a celebration of Tiger Rose’s life and provides a beautiful, sensitive and reassuring way to explain death to children.   It will bring comfort to children and adults who have experienced the death of a pet or have an aging pet.  Activity:  This is an opportunity for children to share their feelings  and favorite stories about a beloved pet, draw pictures, and make a collage or remembrance book.  For more books with resources please visit Just Right Books!

Every Friday I will share my Perfect Picture Book, as will other writers on their blogs.  We will post our selections on author Susanna Leonard Hill’s website under Just Right Books.  We hope to develop a list of favorite picture books for parents, teachers, librarians,  writers, homeschoolers and gift-givers.

Copyright (c) 2011,  Patricia Howe Tilton, All Rights Reserved

Helping Kids Cope with the Death of a Pet

04 Jun 2011 6 Comments

by Patricia Tilton in Children's Book Review, Grief, Loss Tags: ,

Good-bye, Sheepie, is written by Robert Burleigh, and illustrated by Peter Catalanotto.  It is a touching story written for children 4 to 8 years of age.  The illustrations are soft and beautiful and add to the somber mood.

Owen and his dog, Sheepie, are best friends. They are constant companions as they play fetch, go for long walks and sleep together at night.  Sheepie is aging, he’s not as playful and he’s starting to sleep more.   Sheepie begins to limp as he walks and Owen has to help his best friend climb the stairs.  One day, Owen finds Sheepie lying under a tree.  His best friend won’t wake up.   Owen’s father is very supportive and helps him understand that Sheepie is dead.  He honors Owen’s grief and they do a special tribute to Sheepie as they bury him in a favorite place.  His father helps his son find closure as they talk about all of Owen’s happy memories of his best friend, and how Sheepie will remain a part of him.

As a child, I remember the neighbor’s cat killing my baby rabbit.  I sobbed and insisted on putting my bunny in a box, digging a grave, burying the box, and holding a service with my younger brother.   It was an early experience of death for me, and I wanted to  honor the short life of  my pet.   So, I thank  Burleigh for writing such a memorable story on a heartbreaking subject of the death of a pet.   The loss of a favorite friend and companion is even more devastating for a child.   Burleigh  handled the subject gently, and his book is a beautiful lesson of loving and letting go; something a child will continue to learn throughout life.

Two other books written for children who have experienced the loss of a pet, are Dog Heaven and Cat Heaven.  Written and illustrated by Cynthia Rylant, the books are colorful, uplifting and at times humorous.   The Book Jacket says:  If  you have ever been lucky enough to have a special dog or cat in your life, then you know there is a place called Dog and Cat Heaven.  The vision of both books mirror what many people believe about heaven.    There is a religious element to the books.   Regardless of what you believe, they are good books to help you talk with your child about their grief and what happens to their pet.

Rylant, the author of more than 60 books for children, debuted her first attempts at painting in Dog Heaven.  She is a self-taught artist, who is strongly influenced by the folk artwork of Grandma Moses.  She also illustrated Cat Heaven.   Children will delight in the bold and beautiful  pictures.

Books Help Military Children Cope with Grief

29 May 2011 6 Comments

by Patricia Tilton in Children's Book Review, Grief Tags: , ,

The Hero in My Pocket, is written by Marlene Lee, who has her MA in bereavement studies.  The book  is published by Early Light Press, and is excellent for children 6-12 years of age.   The artwork in the book was done by children for children, which makes this book very special.

For Greg, 10, and Grace, 7, their father is their special hero who serves in the military.   They are proud of him.   When their dad is killed in combat, they become acutely aware that every comment about their dad has changed from the first tense to the past tense.  They ask their mom to tell them what happened to “just make sure it was true.”   In working through their grief, they find a special way to honor and remember their “Special Hero.”   This book is more than about reading.  It also is about drawing, writing, sharing and remembering on special “Hero Pages.”   A very important tool for parents and professionals helping children cope with grief.  Although written for military children, this book is a good grief book for any child suffering the loss of a loved one.

 A Kids Journey of Grief, TAPS Edition, is available to TAPS children and youth who have lost a loved one in the armed forces.  Parents may request a copy by contacting the Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors,  (TAPS), and tell them the branch of service where their loved one served.  TAPS also sponsors annual Good Grief Camps for children on Memorial Day Weekend in Washington D.C., May 27-30.  And, they hold regional Good Grief Camps across the country during the year.

 

Help Me Say Goodbye, by Janis L. Silverman, published by Fairview Press, for kids 4 to 8 years of age who have experienced grief.  It is a well-crafted summary of the grief process, exploring all aspects of grief, and ways to cope.    The author  has created this book as an art therapy book to help a child express what they may not be able to communicate, but can do through drawing.  There are few sentences on each page, but each one supports a very strong feeling or message that the child is to respond to.  For example,  death is not something you can control, it is not your fault that your special person died –  draw about some of the things you can’t control.   When a loved one dies, birthdays and holidays can be hard –you may want to plant a tree or do something in memory of your loved one.   Do you have a good box to keep your memories like pictures and objects in? — write about what you want to put in your box.    Keep something that belonged to your loved one so you can touch and look at it — think about why these things are important to you.  This book is filled with great ideas and is certainly a wonderful keepsake for any child working through loss.

Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors — Honoring Military Families

26 May 2011 6 Comments

by Patricia Tilton in Grief, Military Families, Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors Tags: , , , ,

Our 20-year-old grandson became a casualty of war, on Thanksgiving Day 2009, when he took his own life.   He suffered from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), and the horror of war had left its mark.  He had returned safely in October from his year-long deployment in Baghdad with the U.S. Army, and our family was overjoyed.   He took pride in his work, was a leader, and the unit clown who lifted the spirits of his unit when times were tough.  During President Obama’s visit to Baghdad in the summer of 2009, he was part of the detail.  He was buried with full military honors and his parents and brothers were treated with compassion.

How do military families deal with such an enormous tragedy, especially when it is suicide?   There is grief, anger and shock, but also an added concern about what people will think.  I serendipitously  saw a CNN  interview with a father who had lost his son to suicide in Baghdad five months before our loss.  I  e-mailed the father, who replied immediately.  He made some calls, and that evening someone contacted us  from the Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors  (TAPS).  The director of the Suicide and Education and Outreach Programs talked with me and gave me her phone number over that holiday weekend.  I was impressed at how quickly TAPS responds to families.  At the time, my goal was to collect as much information as possible for our son and his family.

TAPS is a non-profit organization that provides grief support to families of fallen military personnel.   They work with families who have experienced loss in various ways– from combat, suicide, terrorism, homicide, negligence, accidents, and illness.  Their site is filled with important information.  TAPS mails a Survivor Care Package to each family.  They operate a telephone crisis intervention number 24/7,  have online connections with survivors, peer support, counseling, resources, publications, and videos.  Most important they offer Good Grief Camps for young survivors.    TAPS has a book,  A Kids Journey of Grief, TAPS Edition, which is made available to children dealing with grief.   We have received the informative  quarterly TAPS Magazine for over a year now and are impressed with the quality of the expert information, that include articles on surviving the holidays, helping children cope, keeping family rituals alive, adjusting to a new normal, forgiveness, and resilience through humor.

This Memorial Day Weekend, May 27-30, TAPS will sponsor its 17th Annual National Military Survivor Seminar & Good Grief Camp for Young Survivors in Washington, D.C.   Parents and children attend their own programs.  There will be leading professionals in the grief and trauma field together with survivors nationwide to share a weekend of understanding, hope, courage, and love.   Attendees meet other survivors and share the journey, and loved ones are honored on Memorial Day.   Workshops will include understanding complicated grief; coping with new family dynamics; special issues facing children, parents, siblings and significant others; and recognizing post traumatic stress in the family.  There is a nice return each year of people who have benefited in the past and come to support new attendees.  TAPS also sponsors regional  Good Grief Camps for children and Survival  Seminars  across the country.  It will be a weekend that will touch and strengthen  many hearts and spirits.   Attending means becoming a member of a larger family who can help you  move forward.

There are other organizations I want to mention that were of great help to us.  Military Families United  is another wonderful organization that quickly reached out to us.  Merrilee Carlson, Gold Star Mother and President, wrote me e-mails for weeks.  Known to everyone as “Shrek’s Mom,” we shared similar experiences, and her support was priceless.   They also sponsor Camp Desert Kids, a camp designed to help children understand military deployments. They deploy the children on the home front.  It is a fun camp with a unique concept that is well attended.

The U.S. Army has launched a campaign to reach soldiers at risk.   If you click on the link, you will see a moving video,  “I Will Never Quit on Life,” designed to promote health, risk reduction, and suicide prevention.   There also is a book available to soldiers, The Home Front, available through the Army Suicide Prevention Office.

In a future post, I will review books that will help children deal with grief and military deployments.

Honoring Military Families: The Real Heroes

23 May 2011 6 Comments

by Patricia Tilton in Book Reviews Tags: , ,

I want to spend some time this week before Memorial Day Weekend, focusing on military families who have lost a loved one to war.  Yes, they are the parents, spouses, siblings, grandparents, aunts and uncles, cousins and friends who have been left to face a future filled with grief, despair, disbelief, anger and in some cases feelings of shame.  These families are the real heroes.  Each post will be a little different, because I want to include resources and information about a number of support organizations that are available to help families begin to pick up the pieces and rebuild their lives. 

I especially wanted to begin  my posts sharing  a very compelling book, Heart of a Hawk, about one family’s sacrifice and journey toward healing,  by Deborah H. Tainsh.   Deborah and David Tainsh’s son, U.S. Army Sergeant Patrick Tanish, died while serving the military in Iraq on Feb. 11, 2004.   Sgt. Tainsh was at the end of his year-long tour making plans to return home to his family and girlfriend, when he was on patrol near the airport in Baghdad that fateful night.  A roadside bomb exploded near the convoy of Humvees.  He remained behind and defended his unit so they could reach safety, while he had taken a fatal bullet.  He received a Silver Star for his heroic efforts.

Early in her book, Deborah comments that many stories are written about the lives of soldiers and the personal battles they fight.  But, not a lot is written about the families at home.  Deborah’s words are so beautifully written, that I want to do them justice by directly quoting her:

 “Little is written about the heroes left at home, those who must smile bravely when they hug or kiss for the last time a loved one deployed to a war thousands of miles away.  These  heroes wake up every morning with a prayer on their lips, say several more during the day, and fall to sleep at night saying another.  They either watch too much news, look for a certain e-mail every morning, wait for the mail carrier, and hope the next ring of the phone is that call they’ve waited on for weeks.  They write letters every day and mail a package once a week.  They stand stoic and smile gratefully when someone asks how things are going.  Then, for some, the day comes when a military chaplain and a casualty officer knock nervously on their door and deliver the worst conceivable message.  These heroes are left with only a folded flag, a cabinet of awards and medals, a last letter, and a bittersweet pride that only military families understand.”  

It is because these stories go untold that Deborah began to chronicle her family’s life beginning with their rebellious, drug-addicted teenager who had overcome his addictions and found his calling in the military.   That transformation in Patrick and his passion for his work, only added to their grief, sacrifice, and journey towards healing.   Dave, a retired Sergeant Major in the U.S. Marines, had the hardest time accepting his son’s death, and wouldn’t talk or share his feelings with Deborah.  The book is candid and raw, portraying the depth of grief, anger and suffering, and the toll it can take on a marriage and family.   I was surprised that Deborah chose to write the book in third person and would love to know why.  Although a  moving story, I felt  it would have been even more powerful if she had told her story in the first person.   On the day of Patrick’s memorial service,  a red-tailed hawk appeared on an oak tree.  It  filled her with the memory of the spirit hawk legend and its great healing powers.  For Deborah, the hawk symbolized that Patrick had embraced his spirit hawk with all of his soul.  Thus, the title of the book.    

A year after Patrick’s death, Deborah and Dave became aware of the Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors (TAPS), a nonprofit organization that provides  support for grieving military  families.  A portion of the proceeds of her book, go to TAPS.  She also has written another book, Surviving the Folded Flag, where parents of war share stories of coping, courage and faith.   Both she and Dave are active with TAPS and mentor many military families.   In an upcoming blog, I will focus on TAPS and other support organizations.

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