For the Rachel Writes first campaign challenge, we’ve been given the following instructions:
Write a short story/flash fiction story in 200 words or less, excluding the title. It can be in any format, including a poem.
Begin the story with the words, “The door swung open” These four words will be included in the word count.
If you want to give yourself an added challenge (optional), use the same beginning words and end with the words: “the door swung shut.” (also included in the word count). For those who want an even greater challenge, make your story 200 words EXACTLY!
Here is my entry, and it is exactly 200 words. Entry #85
The door swung open beneath the belly of the Boeing 707. Baggage handlers positioned a large box. A group of young men and women in uniform stepped out of a van. They slipped into formation as they walked with precision towards the aircraft.
Amidst the roar of passing aircraft, Bella heard quiet sobbing and felt the linking of arms to hers. It was her extended family, there to support her and receive their loved one. The reality that Noah had made his final journey home sliced through her like the cold north wind.
“Mama is that Daddy?” asked Michael. His arms tightly wrapped her neck.
“Yes, sweetheart, it is.” She held him closely. Tears streamed down her cheeks as she wondered how Michael would ever remember his father’s love.
In her grief, Bella looked up at the terminal windows. Hundreds of people stood there holding their hands over their hearts. In that moment she felt wrapped in their grace. They didn’t know Noah, but in their quiet compassion they were honoring his service and her family’s grief. It was a beautiful moment of sadness.
The Honor Guard carried the flag-draped casket across the tarmac to he hearse. The door swung shut.
Oh dear, was not expecting that ending, but wow, I loved this.
Thank you so much for taking the time to send me a note. Read you story and liked it. What number are you on the photos, so I can vote. The names blur and I can’t find people.
Patricia
Oh wow, Pat. What depth of emotion! “The reality… sliced through her like the cold north wind.” Oh my. What eloquent, stirring, moving, words. Thank you.
Thanks Beth. I’m glad it moved you. I had such a hard time posting it due to the uploading a photo. Oh well. Now need to read and comment on other entries.
This made me want to cry. Beautiful.
Thank you for commenting. I’m glad the emotion showed.
This was beautifully written, and I have a feeling with some very real emotion experienced by you. I am happy to see you made it.
Thanks Diane. I couldn’t get it posted because it won’t accept my photo. Hope Rachael will switch my photo again from a W.
Well written, Patricia. Amazing to see the different turns we all took, from the root of the same first four words. Job well done here, heartfelt for sure.
Thank you very much Erin. I’m happy you liked my entry. I’m in awe with everyone’s entries. Judging will be hard.
Ouch! This one tore at my heart. It was really well done, Patricia.
Thank you Carriel I’m glad it touched you.
Patricia
Enjoyed the raw emotion of the moment.
Stacy, am glad you enjoyed the story moved you. Thank you for commenting.
Patricia
super emtoive piece, Pat, really hits the heart! I sure hope to find time to write something before I leave for the mountains on Thursday. It is such fun.
That’s what I was trying to do. Am glad you liked it. Thanks.
Patricia
The military pieces always get to me….husband now out of Navy – daughter now in. It’s very good, but because the husband died, I had a hard time with this one. ~ Nadja
Nadja,
Thank you for sharing. I know a lot of individuals who’ve lost loved ones, so I understand and respect your feelings.
Patricia
That’s so sad. it’s interesting the different ways people are writing tis. Mine is #72
Thanks for reading my story. Yes, it is interesting how different each story is. Thanks for giving me your number. I’m #85 (my photo didn’t show). Have read a lot of stories, but not all.
Patricia
Hi Patricia: An awesome story. I loved the way you described the emotions of the children, and the view through the eyes of the wife/mother of the soldier going home. Wonderfully emotional and descriptive.
Thank you for wiriting such a nice comment. I really believe that the real heroes are the families. I wanted to show the grief. But I also wanted the wife to realize that in her deepest pain she was wrapped in the love and grace of something bigger — and to recognize that.
Our stories had some similarities — I remember your story very well. I first thought the son was a soldier going to war, but when the door shut, I immediately wondered if it was a prison door. I voted for you, because I thought it was so well written and left the reader wanting to know more.
Again, thank you for your message. Hope to get to know you better.
Patricia
Oh wow, Patricia. What an emotional piece! Nice job.
Also, thanks for stopping by my site and commenting on my poem!
Thank you Coleen for your comments. Happy you liked my entry. Yes, I did like your poem very much!
Oh, this was very sad…
I appreciate your taking the time to comment. It is sad, but I also wanted to show the beautiful sadness of the event. Again, thanks.
Wow. So heartbreaking and wonderfully written. I especially loved the second to last paragraph and the part about how she felt wrapped in the grace of strangers showing their respect. Great, great entry.
Thanks Avery. I appreciate your taking a moment to send me a note. You’re the first who commented on my ending. I wanted to show the grace she felt and beauty in the sadness.
so sad. too common these days.
honorable.
Thank you Tara for your comments. You’re right, to many losses.
Patricia
Wow, that was great. So touching and sad, you really did a great job expressing the emotions of a grieving wife.
Rachael, thank you for commenting. I’m gad you found it moving. There have been so many losses. The families are the real heroes.
This was wonderful. The story was poignant, and the writing was crisp.
Thank you for your lovely comments. I appreciate your taking time to comment.
Beautiful- you made me cry
Thank you for commenting. I appreciate your stopping and giving me feedback.
Patricia
Hello again! I’m just stopping by to tell you that you’ve been picked to move on to the second round! Congrats, you did a great job! 😀
Oh my, that has come as a complete shock!. There were so many deserving entries. Thank you for letting me know. 🙂
Hello fellow Campaigner. *waves* I’m still making the rounds, but it’s very nice to ‘meet’ you. 🙂
This was a very timely, touching and heartfelt piece. Well done.
Have a lovely weekend,
Lola
Lola,
Thank you for stopping by. I appreciate your comments about my story. There are so many excellent entries. I’ve been trying to get to all of them. Again thank you.
Patricia
Oh that was so realistic and sad! I had to read it on 9/11:(
Great writing!
I appreciate your reading my story and commenting. Yes, there was deep sadness, but I wanted to convey that the wife also was aware the blanket of love and grace that surrounded her. Again, thank you for stopping.
Patricia, So beautifully written!
Thank you Maeve. I appreciate your reading my story. Your story was also well-written and I enjoyed pain and the reflection at the end.
I’ve been so busy trying to read all the entries, I haven’t commented on many. I had to comment on this one though. It is incredibly well written and evokes such sadness and pride. Beautiful.
Angela,
Thank you so much for taking the time to give me such lovely feedback. It is a subject that touches my heart. I showed the wife’s grief, but also wanted to show she recognized that love and kindness of the human family. Again thank you. I too have read so many entires, but still haven’t commented on all. Will check out your blog and entry. Again, thank you.
Gorgeous story. Beautifully written!
I appreciate your taking the time to leave me a note. Thank you.
I felt the tears prick at the back of my eyelids. Lots of emotion contained in such a short piece.
Thank you for your kind comments and for stopping by to share. The subject is close to my heart.
OMG. Heart-wrenching. Beautifully written.
Susanna,
Thank you so much for your kind words and for taking the time to share them with me. There were so many wonderful entries.
Patricia